The ghost of myself is haunting my life

Category: loneliness

The Poems of Baz McCarthy

These are a selection of some of Baz McCarthy’s poems. Most poems were written in and around Bristol.  He doesn’t like writing at home, he says he needs the flurry of people rushing or sitting around, doing or saying pointless things to fill in their lives…

He’s always been a massive people-watcher and eavesdropper, so if you see some bloke furiously scribbling into his Moleskine on the table next to you…

Completely irreverent and lacking any formal training or respect for anyone who has, he writes from the gut and the heart and performs his poetry in the same powerful, yet carefree manner!

This year, 2023, he’s performed aplenty, around Bristol, in places such as El Rincon, The Bristol Fringe, Coffee#1, Eldon House, Fat Goat @ Jafra and Grain Barge and the poems get honed by audience reactions (shout-out to the many lovely, enthusiastic, patient and welcoming people who suffer at my poetic hands!).

Also, some these poems may well have changed by now and even grown into bigger and better poems, although I’m not saying bigger is always better!

First poem

The ghost of myself
Is haunting
My life

All the choices I didn’t make
All the roads I didn’t take
All the things I haven’t said
All the lives I haven’t led

The son I never had
The life I never lived
The wife I never met

So many lives
We miss
Only this one
Do I miss

I miss the garden
Behind the fence
Little gate creaks

I am careful
Not to tread
On wild flowers
Warm blue
Air hums

My vision is blurred
By the sun

I push forward

And there is my bed

And I’m so tired

Blue, blanket

My vision is blurred
By my tears

Curled up
Inside my mother’s memory

I wake up
And I write this down

This is the first poem I ever wrote, in June 2021, at about 2am.Read the rest

Knitting for one

Lonely knitting.
I knitted my granny a blanket for Christmas.

“Good knitting”
Jack said.

It’s a point of view.

I knit by myself.

“That was just a ball of wool once”

What’s the difference
Knitting and crochet?

It’s the gaps
There are more of them

I think I’m in the gaps
Trying to knit myself out
Of my woolly cell

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